


Papery Pandemonium

by vivax



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Alternate Universe - Restaurant, Fluff, Human Bill Cipher, M/M, One Shot, Ungodly Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-18
Updated: 2015-08-18
Packaged: 2018-04-15 07:42:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4598499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vivax/pseuds/vivax
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dipper Pines was sitting at his local diner thinking to himself he'd better start unbelieving.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Papery Pandemonium

**Author's Note:**

> This was based on a [post](http://likehemmins.tumblr.com/post/121044132161/imagine-that-youve-been-stood-up-by-your-douchepost) on tumblr and I created a fic out of it. It was utterly adorable and I couldn’t resist getting back into the swing of writing with a billdip one shot. ****

 

The waitress bit her lip anxiously, readying her notepad and pen behind her back. “Sir, may I take your order now?”

 

Dipper managed a pained smile and false upbeat atmosphere. “No thanks, no, I’m sure my date’ll be here soon,” he nodded confidently, more to himself than to her. “They’re just late, as you can see.” The young woman’s jaw tightened in concern. She nodded and moved to her other customers.

 

The moment the waitress left the booth, Dipper groaned softly. That was the third time she has offered to take his order so _where the hell was his girlfriend?_ Date was the more proper term to call her by what’s happening to him. Tonight is date night, every Friday evening each week. Forty-three minutes have past already since he sat down.

 

Not only the waitress was concerned for the man, but the fellow customers were too. The other customers of the diner were starting to stare at Dipper. He gulped uncomfortably at their unneeded concern. He was one of the many everyday guys who was stood up by his date. The last thing he needed was sympathy from other people who aren’t being stood up right now.

 

Dipper sighed, ignoring them, and fondled with his eating utensils. This is the sixth time since Ariel has stood him up without even giving Dipper a heads-up. Dipper rested his cheek on this other hand. It’s been two months since they’ve dated. The brunette squished his face into his hand further. She only showed up twice for date night in that time frame.

 

Dipper snorted into his hand and took a pen from his back pocket out. Perfect time for calculations. The meaning of life can be solved with only a pen and a napkin. Besides, that little old lady and her husband in the corner looks like she’s ready to bake him a pie of comfort or something.

 

Dipper first drew a (poorly drawn and added by anger) stick figure of Ariel. He labeled his creation as he pondered. Maybe Mabel was right, he shouldn’t have come. Ariel was beautiful. She was muscular and sporty. Dipper added big beefy arms and continued.

 

She had brown flowing locks. That quality was labeled. She had fashion sense that Mabel approved of. She was slightly taller than Dipper and had awesome curves. Of course, Dipper frantically scribbled out the four curved lines he could call boobs and an ass on a stick figure because that was way too embarrassing.

 

Dipper pursed his lips. She had all these things, but Dipper didn’t know who she really was like. She always distanced herself from him. Almost unwilling to meet with him or spend a portion of her time.

 

Ariel made excuses−a lot of them. If they were going to the park, meeting his or her parents, she always rain checked it. It irked Dipper that, yes, his girlfriend had amazing outward qualities that are way out of his league, but he knew nothing about her. Nor did he hold deep emotional connections with her.

 

It’s like she doesn’t even want to try in this relationship.

 

The napkin ripped at the intense pressure given by Dipper’s hand. A couple of heads drifted to Dipper’s table, causing him to blush in humiliation.

 

Dipper sighed and flipped the napkin over, continuing to doodle. The song, “Don’t Start Unbelieving” by The Act of Traveling came next in the music selection playing at the diner.

 

Dipper scoffed. She’s not going to come, so why even stay? He halted his doodling and checked his watch. He waited for more than an hour; of course she’s going to be a no show. Dipper sighed, defeated and not surprised.

                                          

Dipper was just about to get up, leave, and tip the waitress who worried about him from the start but was halted when a man with crazy blonde hair Dipper has never seen before appeared to the side of his booth, clearly out of breath. He leaned on the table, catching his breath with exaggeration.

 

The man informed Dipper loudly, almost yelling, “I’m so sorry I’m late, babe. Traffic was crazy where I was at.” The unknown man leaned in and quietly added, “The name’s Bill, just go with it. Whoever didn’t bother to show up is a dick, and unworthy of your attention.”

 

Dipper went wide-eyed, not believing what just happened in less than two seconds. He blinked several times and maintained his composure. He went along with it. “No, problem, I’d wait a thousand years for you. You should know that,” the brunette returned with the same volume. Dipper could have sworn he heard satisfied sighs around the diner and a whoop from the corner of the room.

                                                                                                 

The man, no, _Bill_ , gave Dipper a wide toothy grin and sat down happily. Dipper couldn’t help but notice; Bill was well dressed and quite handsome. He had piercing pale blue eyes and once again, crazy hair that went everywhere. Dipper silently thanked the heavens for giving him this specific man to save him.

 

Both men picked the untouched menus in the middle of the table. Dipper quickly crumpled up his napkin full of doodles and crammed it under his leg. Bill raised a brow. Dipper panicked at the gesture. _He saw the poorly drawn stick figure with scratched out boobs and ass didn’t he!?_

 

“You didn’t even pick up the menu yet?” Dipper, relieved he didn’t mention the napkin, smiled sheepishly, “That would be rude to start without your partner.” Bill laughed shaking his head, “Whoever that was, they’re _really_ missing out on someone wonderful.”

 

Dipper gulped. His face was going red, it shouldn’t be going red, he really shouldn’t be blushing in this situation right now, but that was really sweet of him to say. The brunette raised his menu just an inch ever higher. “S _o,_ ” Dipper’s voice cracked embarrassingly, “what are you ordering?”

“Steak,” the blonde set his menu down, “made rare.”

 

The brunette coughed to hopefully cover up his previous blunder. He said with a tone deeper than his usual voice, “I’m getting a chicken cheesesteak sandwich, I guess. Fries included.” Dipper eventually set his menu down as well.

 

The waitress returned with a bright smile on her face, notepad and pen both out front and confidently in her hands. “What would you two like to drink tonight?” Dipper took root beer, Bill took coca cola, and she left with a small smile on her face.

 

Dipper chuckled softly, “I’ve been here since eight, and she has asked for my order three times before you got here. She seems relieved that my ‘date’ finally came.” Bill’s mouth unhinged, gaping, “Pine tree! Wait, excuse me, what’s your name?” Dipper touched his hat unknowingly, “Oh, my name’s Dipper, Dipper Pines.”

 

Bill pressed further, “Dipper! That’s crazy! It’s nine thirty, and you shouldn’t have waited for that long.” Bill fumed, “I’ll give that person a taste of their own medicine.” Dipper couldn’t help himself bursting into laughter. “Bill, you don’t need to do that. It’s fine. You’re here. That’s even better.”

 

The waitress returned with drinks and took their orders. She left in an upbeat mood. Dipper was baffled by the situation. “Bill, how did you even know that my date stood me up? I was just about to leave when you showed up. It was perfect timing.” Bill winked, earning the blonde a flushed face, “Actually, I was just getting a cake, but then I saw you while walking in. I’ve seen the defeated face of people with no dates too many times and I just went with it.”

 

Dipper smiled, blushing, “You pretended to run to my booth out of breath and save me, huh?” Bill grinned, “My pleasure, and you’re not a bad person yourself, kid.” The man across Bill took a sip of his drink, his face still crimson. Bill couldn’t help but to admire how adorable Dipper was. His voice cracked in all the right ways and the man was quick to blush.

 

This was a date, even if it isn’t the most conventional. Bill decided on that. He rested his chin on his hands, “Tell me about yourself, Dipper.” The smaller man responded with squeak, as if he was never asked that question in his life. The brunette averted his eyes to the man and to the ground. He started on himself, explaining his life with his sister Mabel and their pet pig Waddles living in California. The two were living in Gravity Falls by their choice, with the permission of their great uncle.

 

Bill couldn’t get enough of Dipper’s quirks. The way the man expressed himself though his hands. How passionate the man got in his explanations of his sister. His voice that could reach a high or low octave unintentionally. Or when embarrassed, the man would tilt his hat down. He was utterly adorable.

 

“S-so, yeah, that’s me and my life story,” Dipper smiled brightly, “tell me about you!” Bill opened his mouth but was interrupted by incoming food. Both dishes were cooked to perfection. The two dove into their meals like it was the last meal of their lives.

 

Dipper, on the other hand, was entranced. Bill talked smooth and effortlessly. Bill explained how he traveled all over and gained success through his business, but his favorite place to be is Gravity Falls. He has no parents, siblings or family, but is content with the friends he makes along the way.

 

“I think I’m going to stay here for a bit,” Bill cut his meat cleanly, blood and juice oozing out, “I have some time until I have to go back to work.” The man bit into a huge chunk of the meat. “Gravity Falls is the most intriguing place I’ve ever been to. It appears happy and normal. Like any other town near nature, but it’s not. It mysterious, and that’s what I love about the town.”

 

Dipper choked on his cheesesteak. He coughed some chicken out. “Really? You love mysteries? I-I do too! That’s why I even moved here in the first place!” Bill licked the liquid on his knife and grinned. “Great minds think alike, I see.” Dipper’s eyes dropped to the last half of his meal, blushing. “I-I guess they do,” he shyly bit into his sandwich. Bill chuckled at his reaction.

 

The two continued their meal with conspiracy theories, ghost stories, anything too weird for the run-of-the-mill norm. Both were surprised how similar the other was to him. It was a pleasant surprise to find someone with the same out of the norm topics. When they finally finished, the waitress returned. She asked, “So, would the lovely couple want dessert before the diner closes?” She relished how the brunette flushed deeply while the blonde grinned brightly.

 

They took the “Double Decker Sundae Special” to share. “Ugh,” Dipper stabbed his spoon into the ice cream, “can’t eat anymore.” Bill burst out into laughter, “Neither can I!” The brunette exasperated with a smile, “Then why did we even order this!” In the end, Dipper saved it for his sister.

 

The two split the check, leaving a slightly larger tip for the waitress. As the two arose from the booth, Bill offered the other his hand. Dipper bit his lip, reluctantly taking the other’s hand. In mere seconds, the hand wrapped around Dipper’s waist.

 

While going out the door, the two men felt two giant slaps on their asses. Bill stiffened and Dipper gasped as they saw an old couple walk quickly out the door. Something was hanging off their pants. Bill yanked off the taped paper. In big letters it read, “Finally you came.” Dipper’s message read, “We thought you’d starve!”

 

Outside of the diner, Dipper rubbed the back of his neck and smiled,

“Bill?”

“Yes, Pine Tree?”

“Thanks for saving me.”

 

Bill turned to Dipper, and came in close. The blonde brought his hand to the incline of Dipper’s jaw, wrapping the other around his waist. He whispered, “Can I kiss you?”

 

Dipper answered breathlessly, “Yes.” His chin was tilted upwards. Their lips met in a warm, gentle, meeting. It was blissful, inviting, and something that should have lasted forever instead of a few seconds.

 

They parted. Dipper already missing the presence of Bill’s lips. Bill smiled warmly. His voice was rich in tone, “I hope we see each other around sometime.” Dipper whispered back, “I do too.” The taller man started his way to his car. Dipper stood in front of the diner, awaiting as the other man went to his car safely.

 

In the middle of his walk, Bill turned around, brought his hands to his mouth and shouted, “DIPPER PINES! CHECK YOUR BACK POCKETS!” He proceeded to skip straight to his vehicle.

 

Dipper searched his pants to find the message from the old couple still there. How did Bill even do that? He tore it off, there was writing on the other side. It listed a number and writing stating,

 

“Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

I’ve never seen a Pine tree,

quite as cute as you.

Call me today, tomorrow or tonight,

but you better contact me, because I want to

see if we’ll have a relationship, all right?

 

I’m bad at poetry. And I loved your doodled napkin, –Bill Cipher”

 

Dipper knew he was blushing and couldn’t stop smiling. He did know who he was calling tonight. He took out his cell, and dialed the number. He walked to his car. It stopped ringing.

 

Dipper spoke confidently, gripping the ice cream for his sister for support,

“Hey, Ariel? We need to talk.”


End file.
